History 101

For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and
the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These
were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for
the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals, and
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they
just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while
they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the
Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the
conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing,
fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement..

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. Those became known as
girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of
cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic
voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
jack**s.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting
evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than
their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers
in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated
hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller. They eat red meat and
still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military,
airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who
own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe
when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West
was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history.

Well stated. I do agree. Seems to be the opposite of fodder I had to listen to in college. And I went to college in 60-70's!!! It all degraded to what political correctness is today. The nature of flattrackers educated be mid-'70's is pretty much conservitive. ('cept of course those durn drugged-out hippies)

Larry!
I Am But A Lowly Worm
That Desires To Be Your Humble Slave!
That's The Best Thing I've Ever Read On This Website!

YOU JUST MADE MY DAY!

Thanks Art...

I cant take the credit for writing this but I love it.

Finally, how it really was.

I like this one too.


A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her
age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal
ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs,
in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling
she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the
occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil,
selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich
and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed
by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded
by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know
that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load
and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people
she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college
friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked how her friend Audrey doing?

She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies,
and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast.
She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for
classes because she's too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to
deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will
both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, “That's a crazy
idea. How would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of
time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played
while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Republican Party”

That is a very useful story. Thanks.

Thats awesome! Can't wait to show my wife... she's a die hard liberal... on second though, maybe I better not push that button. Election years are tough in my house.

Kyle#44x

Stutz wrote:

QUOTE:
I like this one too.


A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her
age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal
ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs,
in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling
she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the
occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil,
selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich
and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed
by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded
by asking how she was doing in school.

Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know
that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load
and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people
she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college
friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked how her friend Audrey doing?

She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies,
and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast.
She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for
classes because she's too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to
deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will
both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, “That's a crazy
idea. How would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of
time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played
while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Republican Party”

Very Nice!

My daughter, who grew up Conservative Republican (for lack of better term) went away to college. Where did I send her? I sent her to the in state school that would make her grow up and learn to stand her ground on her beliefs. That School??? CU in Boulder Colorado.

Kevin